okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize