I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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