Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
