She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
pop tarts are not kleenex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
