kristin has been a bad kristin
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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