Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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