Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
