Already got asked if we're dating
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
