The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
