they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
