Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
