we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
