Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
