OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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