She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
