We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
