OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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