I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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