True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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