either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
