Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm passing your future prison.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
