I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize