I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
