I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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