but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
