the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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