And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
