hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
