Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
how does that bad decision feel?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize