I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
