he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
