ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
