OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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