I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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