He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
