I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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