Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize