Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
