he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize