I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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