Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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