i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
