Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Randomize
