spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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