sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
