i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
