He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
