i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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