i barfeds in our rink
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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