I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
