for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
