u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize