dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
