Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
