dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
