Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
