Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
