I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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