I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
