his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
