I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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