just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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