i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
