I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize