o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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