i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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