i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
thus making me awesome and them whores
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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