come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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