went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm too high and old for this...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
